Pain for the Glory of God

Several of you have asked if we have heard anything recently about how Lilibeth and Eddie are doing. First of all, thank you for asking, and thank you for realizing that this is still painful for us. No, unfortunately we do not know for sure how they are doing. We have not heard from the family that is in process with them for a while, and we have yet to get a response from the international agency.

We are still dealing with the pain of this situation. There are few people who we have told everything about what has happened, so I'm sure it is hard to understand why we are still hurting over everything. Suffice it to say that we would give anything and do anything to have Lilibeth and Eddie home with us. When we accepted the referral they became our kids. We love them deeply and feel the loss greatly. Believe me, we have exhausted every avenue that we can think of, but we have realized that there is nothing left for us to do but to trust in the Lord's goodness and faithfulness.

When we embarked on this adoption journey our prayer was that God would be glorified throughout our process. Although we are trying not to dwell on our pain, we are acknowledging that God has an eternal purpose even in this horrendously difficult situation. We are grabbing unto God's promise that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28) and steadfastly holding on regardless of how long the pain persists. We know that God can and will use all things to conform us "to the likeness of His Son" (Romans 8:29) And as Job said, "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him." (Job 13:15) The God of the universe is our Father, and He does not make mistakes. He has never failed us, and He will not fail us now.

God's sovereignty means that He could have prevented my pain -- ouch! I don't like that! IF He is good, how could He have allowed such affliction? But the answer comes back from the pages of Scripture. His goal for me is far higher than external pleasure or a life without pain. He loves me so much that He desires to shape me into the very image of Jesus, and He is powerful enough to use every relationship and situation in my life to accomplish His objective. Yielding to this glorious truth delivers me from slavery to my pain -- perhaps not from the pain, but from slavery to it. . .

"We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure . . . . Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us . . . " (II Corinthians 1:8-10).

Our tendency to independence is crushed when the pressure is beyond our ability and we cast ourselves on resurrection power. Then we depend on His power that has delivered us, does deliver us, and will continue to deliver us!

Quote from By Design by Susan Hunt

If I Had My Life to Live Over

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck
(written after she found out she was dying from cancer.)

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner." There would have been more "I love you's." More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it ... live it .and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff. Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with.

I hope you all have a blessed day.

Carried Safely Home

Finally, the moment you've all been waiting for. . . A break from the weighty posts and a recommendation for my all time favorite adoption book. If you don't know me well, I will say that I'm kind of a nut when it comes to books and researching everything thoroughly. Without exaggeration, I would say that I own at least a dozen books on adoption. If you've been following my blog for awhile, you will already know which adoption book outshines all the others (in my opinion.) I have quoted from it in these posts:

Lessons Learned: Standing and Waiting

Psalm 139

I highly recommend this book by Kristin Swick Wong Carried Safely Home: The spiritual legacy of an adoptive family. It is full of Godly insights and saturated with Scripture, and at the same time Kristin is open and honest with her struggles. She does an excellent job describing the pain of being separated from the child that you are waiting to adopt and follows that with the lessons she learned during her adoption processes. I would recommend the book not only to families currently in the process of adopting, but also to anyone who would like to understand more of what a family experiences emotionally while they are waiting to bring their child home.

God is Sovereign (even over our suffering!)

I have been told by a number of people things to the effect that "It's good to know that even though God did not cause our suffering (even though we are suffering only because of man's fallennes), God can still turn it around for good." I have to say that I disagree with this statement. I believe that God is completely sovereign over all things - even over our suffering. After Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery and he experienced great suffering at the hands of the Egyptians, he said to his brothers, "It was not you who sent me here, but God." (Gen 45:8) And later he told them, "you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good." (Gen 50:20) Yes, God is sovereign even over other people's evil intentions. God has a plan even in our suffering - Not despite our suffering. God is not surprised by what we are going through. He is not left scrambling to find a way to work this together for our good. Rather, he planned our suffering because he knows that it is for good. We can be thankful that he is graciously allowing us to go through pain that we may know more of his goodness and mercy. He does have a sovereign plan in what we are going through, and we trust in His promises and His faithfulness.

The key to suffering rightly is to see in all things the hand of a merciful and good and sovereign God and "to live upon God that is invisible." There is more of God to be had in times of suffering than any other time.
-John Piper

Let me beg of thee, that thou wilt not be offended either with God, or men, if the cross is laid heavy upon thee. Not with God, for he doth nothing without a cause, nor with men, for . . . they are the servants of God to thee for good.(Psalm 17:14 KJV; Jer. 24:5). Take therefore what comes to thee from God by them, thankfully.
-John Bunyan

Jesus, I am resting, resting

The Lord is continuing to teach us how to rest in Him. (In more ways than we ever anticipated!) Here is an e-mail to a friend who asked if I was nervous about our adoption:

DATE: 12/14/2007

I'm definitely nervous. Especially during the hard days - then I think, "Am I crazy, what was I thinking?!? How am I going to do this with four kids?" But then, I always come back to the amazing way that God has led us here so far, and I know (with my head, but not always my heart) that if God does not want this to happen - it still will not happen. I also know, like you said, that I really can't do it on my own. And I think that is exactly where God wants us to be - so that in our weakness He will make us strong. He gets the glory.

Right now I am struggling with how to make sure that I am in a place where I'm resting in Him and His strength even during the "easy" days, so that when the tough ones come (and I am expecting them to come) - I'll be better prepared and in the
habit of resting. (It makes me think of that hymn - "Jesus I am resting, resting. In the joy of what thou art; I am finding out the greatness, of Thy loving heart.) So, I think of it as an opportunity to learn more about God and for my faith to grow. (And trust me - I have a lot of growing to do!) I can totally imagine how you must be feeling right now though - It's easy for me to calmly say these things because I have not just been hit with any huge news!
Hang on to Jesus! I'm praying for you!
Sarah
ps Okay, so I had to go look up the rest of the words to that hymn - If you are interested, I love the verses (although the music on this site has much to be desired!!!) http://www.cyberhymnal.org/htm/j/i/jiamrest.htm

As we are resting in Jesus, you - my faithful readers - I'm sure have had quite enough of the posts of old e-mails! Of course I could go on an on, but with the next few posts I am going to list some of the adoption resources that I have been using and have found especially helpful. Should be a bit more interesting for those of you who are adopting right now. Thank you for continuing to pray for us and for Lilibeth and Eddie.

He works in ways we can't even see

Looking back at e-mails that I wrote during this process has really helped me to see how God was moving. Here is an e-mail I wrote last November:

DATE: 11/20/2007

This has been such a unique and heart-wrenching process for us! I have days too where I've been completely sad and discouraged and anxious . . . etc. It's still hard - even after having a referral because there are so many unknowns! For some reason lately God has really blessed me with a peace and rest about everything, but that has definitely not been my attitude throughout the process! . . . It's so hard to wait! . . .

So, the names. . . We are keeping Lilibeth's first name - We actually really like it! It is a combination of Lilian and Elizabeth. Lilian means "pure" and Elizabeth means "My God is abundance." We are changing her middle name to Joy (it is Melisa). We haven't settled on a name for Eddie yet, but we will most likely keep his middle name which is Eduardo (they call him Eduardo at the orphanage because his first name is Carlos and they had too many Carlos's already.)

. . . I just look back on everything now, and even though we don't have Lilibeth and Eddie in our arms yet, I can see why the Lord caused the delays that he did, even though it was painful and so hard at times. He has worked in ways that I can't even see, and I trust that Lilibeth and Eddie need to be where they are a bit longer than we had hoped because God has a greater plan than mine.

Oh, and I know what you mean about being concerned about the kid's transition into your home! I've been thinking about that a TON lately! I've noticed though that I get more anxious when I spend a lot of time reading the posts on the Guatadopt list - The people post the really hard situations, but the people who have good situations don't bother writing about it. But, I do think it will be hard. But it will be good too! And it will build character and faith! (I'll need to save this e-mail so I can read it to myself when the kids come home.) :)

Little did I realize that I what this e-mail would mean to me now. It will be hard, but it will be good. And it will build character and faith. God has a greater plan than mine!

Brrrrrrr

I could not help but blog about the weather we are having up here.
Right now it is 15 BELOW with windchill at a whopping 45 BELOW - Yes that's below zero degrees Fahrenheit. You can literally get frostbit simply by going outside without covering your face. Schools were closed. Our sliding patio door is surrounded by ice - inside! Wow, now that's cold!

He hurls down his crystals of ice like crumbs;
who can stand before his cold?
Psalm 147:17 (ESV)

Amazing adventure

A month after our referral our agency still did not know exactly how the adoption would work, but they were still very positive about the fact that it would work. They explained how the previous adoption they had done like this worked, and it sounded like ours would be similar. Here is a copy of an e-mail I sent to my brother on October 31, 2007.

DATE: 10/31/2007

We are still waiting for information from the attorney that our international agency works with. We don't know for sure how this adoption will work. But, we did get to send a care package for the kids with my friend who is leaving on Friday to go down there on a missions trip. We sent a cute photoalbum for Lilibeth. If you want, you can view it at http://www.photoworks.com/photo-sharing/shareSigninBook.jsp?shareCode=A0AE9E3C491&cp=ems_shr_alb_emb&cb=PW

If we don't have more concrete information before my friend leaves then she is going to leave the book with the lady who is in charge of the orphanage. That way she can give it to Lilibeth when we know more definitely that she'll be coming home.

So, we are just trying to be patient and wait for God's perfect timing for this. It is hard at times, but it is good to rest in Him and we trust that this is where he wants us to be right now. Adoption is an amazing journey. I never realized how much you can love a child without even meeting them. We are excited and nervous and thrilled and panicked (sometimes) :) It's quite the adventure.

The lady who ran the orphanage said that the kids were definitely coming to our home and told my friend to go ahead and give the kids their photo albums. I think it was at this point that I completely allowed myself to believe that they were going to come home! However, looking back on all these e-mails just continually reminds me that we were exactly where God wanted us to be. It is hard to comprehend why we would need to take this difficult path, but we do know that God has a plan through everything. Our prayer remains the same, "Lord, be glorified through our adoption journey."