Psalm 139

O lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

God knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows those we love better than we do, too, and what is mysterious, confusing, or vexing to us is not so to Him. And right now the Lord, who sees when we sit and rise, watches our Lilibeth growing into an independent, sweet little girl, and our Eddie learning his first words and taking his first steps.

You hem me in, behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.

Those we love and long to protect are covered by the only one who is really able to keep them safe. We pray that God will hem in Lilibeth and Eddie, protecting their hearts and souls while they are without family, so that they will be able to receive our love later. This verse gives me hope that the Lord can indeed answer that prayer.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn; if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me; your right hand will hold me fast.

We grieve this separation from our daughter and son. Throughout life, we will sometimes be apart from those we love- husbands on trips, parents in nursing homes, small children off to school for the first time, grown children overseas serving on the mission field- and then the longer, harder separation of death. This brings anxiety and sadness. But nothing can separate those we love from God. This idea is gloriously amplified in Romans, in a verse well worth pondering every day, a verse that can be read with trumpet fanfare or a sweet small voice: "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Rom 8:38-39)

If I say 'Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,' even the darkness will not be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

God sees everything. What seems dark to us is not so to him. We do not know exactly what is happening in Guatemala and why Lilibeth and Eddie have not been cleared for adoption. But God does. He sees the events and people around us radically differently from how we see them. We fear darkness will hurt those we love. Perhaps it will. But to him, it is not hidden or dark.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.

What joy that Lilibeth and Eddie have been knit together by God! I have not carried them in my womb; I have not been there for their beginnings. But God was there, creating them, watching them. God told Jeremiah: "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations" (Jer 1:5). God carefully crafted David before he was king, Jeremiah before he was prophet, and Lilibeth and Eddie before they were home with family.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

To us, Lilibeth and Eddie's delay is unexpected and vexing. To God it is not a surprise. These days and nights were written in the Lord's book long before we stumbled across them. The unique life that God planned for Lilibeth and Eddie has already started.

Surely this psalm could also comfort the heart of Lilibeth's and Eddie's birth mother, if she could read it. She could glimpse God's plan arching above the brokenness and uncertainties of her life. She could see that there was an eternal purpose for the babies made inside of her and find comfort in her decision to protect these carefully created children instead of ending their lives in abortion. Perhaps she will find these verses. If I believe that God has laid his a hand on Lilibeth and Eddie, I can believe that he may lay his hand on her as well.

What a treasure God has given us in these words and in others that speak his promises to our hearts. Thank you, Father. ***


***This is a modified excerpt from an excellent book I am reading right now. The title is Carried Safely Home: The spiritual legacy of an adoptive family by Kristin Swick Wong. I highly recommend it, especially for those whose lives have been touched by adoption. I'm about halfway through and it has been such an encouragement to me! It describes what we are going through so exactly and with so much Godly wisdom and encouragement.